Ok, I know as the years go by and a person ages, picking up little weight is an inevitable fact, plus add the Holidays in there and before you know you look like someone shoved an air hose up your ass and you’re one of Macy’s Thanksgiving Day parade characters.
Furthermore, I also believe that a person must spread out his dedication, time, effort or anything you want to call it to the six areas of your life: family, financial, spiritual, physical social and educational. Achieving balance in all six areas makes a person a very happy, well-rounded individual. However, should a person start to concentrate in one area of his life more than others; hence dedicating less in one or two of the others can cause problems. I know this…I get it.
So over that last few years or so I have been very and let me say VERY dedicated to may career. My family life is great and my spiritual as well as my social and education areas are all on par with each other. So that leaves, let me see HEALTH. Yes I must say that my health, in particular my weight has gotten the best of me over the last five years or so. I not saying I’m fat or anything but when I got on my scales at home the said “One at a time” I mean even while I was Christmas shopping downtown and cop ran up to me and yelled “OK break it up.”
So that did it, I decided to take matters into my own hands and concentrate more on my health this year and little less on my career. So the next logical step was to find a way to achieve this life-changing epiphany. Then it suddenly occurred to me, I can kill two birds with one stone: lose weight and give a Christmas gift as the same time. What better than a Wii game and the Wii Fit PLUS. After all there sold everywhere, kind of like crack.
So off to Wally World to buy a game and the accessories I went. I found a Wii game for $199 and Wii Fit PLUS on sale for $99 and of course the two-year warranty for another $19.95 and this baby was mine. What a deal, I can get in shape, give(get) a gift all for under $270 total outlay with no monthly gym payments, no getting up early to drive to the gym and much better showers when I’m done. Hell I can even work out in the nude if I wanted in the comfort of my own home.
I hurried home to share my brilliant plan with my wife. I explained that she could take the credit for buying the gift and count it towards my Christmas bank of gifts that every wife buys her husband. I was so nice about it too. I wrapped it carefully and placed a name tag on stating: TO: Husband FROM: Wife. It was so beautiful coupled with the simplicity of the plan that I almost cried.
Christmas day came and all the present under tree looked like a sea of money spent on gifts that others would long forget about in a month or two. But not I, my gift was the perfect gift, the one that would bring me back to state of health I needed. I waited until the very last present to open my gifts and then acted surprised as any of the kids did when they got there GI Joe or Barbie or whatever made them happy this year.
I explained my plan to my parents, my children and my friends as I basked in the glory of my successful plan that I committed all in the name of Christmas. I loaded the car at my parents’ house with all the kids’ toys, clothes and sleeping blankets from the night before and pointed the car towards the house. I drove the thirty or so miles like a madman with one though in my mind the entire way home. Wii. Every song on the radio I heard was “Wii Christmas”, “Rudolph the Red Nosed Wii Game”, “Siler Wii” and all of the other Holiday classics were ringing in my head.
When we finally pulled in to the drive way I jumped out of the car and yelled to others “get your own stuff” as I bolted for the 63” screen television in my living room. I quickly ripped open the boxes and tossed away the non useful stuff like the extra batteries and of course the directions, I am a man after all and was born with the innate knowledge on how to hook up all things electronic. So in the trash pile they went.
I dragged out the Wii Fit PLUS and connected to the game as well. I turned it on and everything started whirring and glowing and finally the screen was filled with Wii Hellos and Wii directions (not again) and Wii instructions. I slammed on the remote control “faster, faster” I screamed as if the game would suddenly speed up because I said so.
The game eventually got the Fit PLUS section and I was so excited I peed my pant…just a little of course not enough to make me actually stop and change or anything. The Wii said “Hello” it actually was talking to me like a long lost friend. I remember that I actually responded with “Hi” before I realized it was a computer and not a real person. Glad no one was around to hear that I thought to myself.
I watched the game setup for the days activities as I stood there waiting for the go ahead signal to begin my journey back to health I deserve. Ok now the moment of I’ve been waiting for has arrived “Step onto the Wii Fit step” the screen flashed and I felt a quiver run up and down my spine.
As I stepped onto the board, I heard the game actually say “Oh!” “What the Hell?” I said out load “did the game just say ‘oh’ to me.” I placed my full weight upon the board, the screen flashed a message I could hardly believe. “Over the Wii board’s weight limit” were the words on the screen. You’re kidding right I thought to myself. “Over the weight limit” I screamed, but this game is designed for people over the weight limit. Then it happened to me, the most devastating action I have ever seen at least from a game. “Now resetting the game” scrolled across the screen. I stood there in disbelief, can it be true. I am so out of shape that I can reset a game on my TV. WTF. Now all of my work, planning and scheming has gone for naught. I just reset the friggin Wii game.
I want to be clear here, I am not giving up on getting back into shape just not with the friggin Wii game as a partner. So back to the gym payments, getting up early to beat the crowd and yes, crappy showers again. I must say that I am now more focused than ever, not many people can reset a video game.
So F&*@ the Wii and F&*@ Nintendo as well……
